maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
