bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
