Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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