YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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