I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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