I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
