It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
