are you still at the devil's house?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
