omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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