his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
