So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
