dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
