Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
