Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
