my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
