so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
