Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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