Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
