I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
