Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
