I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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