I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
