Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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