Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
