Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
