Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
