you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
