You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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