I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
