i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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