Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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