If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
