just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
