I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
