Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
