Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
