Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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