Sry I called you an 8
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
