hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
