Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
