Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
