How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
