u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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