I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
