i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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