it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
