i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
