I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
