I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
