mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
