the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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